This post has been on my to-do list for a while now, and what I mean by a while; is a few months. I haven't posted on my blog since April, and I haven't shared anything on twitter or Instagram in two or three months. So what's been going on? Where have I been? Did I give up on my blog?

One thing I have loved about having a complete break down and break through; is being able to go unnoticed on my blog, my instagram and my twitter. While I do not have to share what's been going on or where I have been, I feel like it's necessary for my blog and for myself to understand that I didn't give up on my blog, or my social media; but I gave up on myself.

If it hasn't been noticed; since January I have been struggling with motivation and overall enthusiasm towards life. As soon as the new year came, I stopped doing everything that I loved doing and everything became just a little bit too difficult. I tried to pull myself together by joining the gym and hoping that working out would sort my head out; but instead I ended up with the flu for six weeks and my health continued to get worse. The gym stopped, my motivation came to a halt and I was ready to give up. 

The past seven months have been a struggle; I've wanted to blog but I haven't known where to begin. I've wanted to share on instagram but I've worried too much about my interaction but actually, does it matter? Oh no it doesn't. Who gives a crap about the instagram problems with interaction?! It shouldn't make us feel like rubbish.

After six months of feeling awful; tired, unmotivated, the feeling like I'm not good enough for anything, and my mental health getting worse and worse; I some how managed to realise what was causing this awful feeling for six months after having a complete break down which I've been hiding and not admitting to. 

Previously I have mentioned working as a 1-1 learning support assistant; but while this job comes with so many positives and advantages of helping children; it also comes with it's disadvantages and problems. The problem of being hit, stabbed with pencils, and having chairs and objects thrown at you. As a sensitive person, on three separate occasions this completely broke me and it took me six months to realise that this was the problem. My job was making my life a misery. Not only have I been unmotivated in my job, but I've been unmotivated with my life. Everything came to a stop and I had no idea what was causing it because it's happened so many times, it all became oblivious. 

I never thought it could be possible for a job to completely change you as a person and to have such an impact on your mental health and overall health in general. How can something so big become so oblivious and take so long to figure out? 

While it's important to always work on your self-care and doing what you love to ensure your happiness and health is always at it's peak; sometimes it takes looking back at the hardest parts of your life to figure out where it all went wrong. And take it from me; it's better to do this as soon as possible than waiting till the breaking point.

If anyone has ever gone through a situation like this, I'd love some advice! But on the plus side, it's great to be back!

I'll see you soon

Kimberley Jessica

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