Once again I'm starting off fresh on a new week. It's Monday, half term is over and I am back to work and all things education. But that also means bringing things back into my life which have been neglected for a long time now. I've spent the past six weeks feeling pretty rotten. Unfortunately working in a school does mean picking up every single virus that is going around, and having a chronic illness makes that ten times harder, but six weeks on; and I finally feel like me again. 

Something I wanted to speak about here on Kimberley Jessica is having your life together in your 20s, or generally having your life together at any age. Sometimes we think we have our life together when we're a teenager, but let's be honest, no teenager ever does and not everyone does even when they are middle aged. Life just makes to make changes and challenges along the way to test us and the majority of the time, we question ourselves about whether we have our lives together and this is something I continuously question myself. 

Have I got my life together? Do I know where I'm going with life? What are my ambitions for the future? Am I working towards my goals? Am I there yet? How far away am I? and the list of questions goes on and on, and on. 

But sometimes, even when we have our life together, something happens and we start to question ourselves again. But we never seem to remember that achieving greatness comes from failing over and over again and learning from these failures. And how failure are not a bad thing; they help us to become the people we are or want/hope to be. Failing shouldn't be seen as such a negative aspect in life, yet it is. 

So have I got my life together? Right now, with my mental health I would generally say no. I feel like my mental health is failing, I'm failing my mental health and I'm pretty much a bundle of failures. But truthfully and deep down, I would say I have got my life together, in a weird and organised kind of way. I'd say it's pretty complicated too.

I know where I'm going with my life, I know what my ambitions are for the future, where I want to be when I'm 25 and where I want to be when I'm 30. I'm working towards my goals every single day, but no I'm not there yet but I know I will be; I have a date of when I will be and I am happy and content with that. In an organised and questionable kind of way I would say I have my life together but looking at my head space and what's going on right now, I would also say I don't. It's a questionable debate but I'm working towards it every day and I will continue to even with the challenges that face me. I'm proud of failing and I'm proud of what I learn from these failures. 

Embrace your failures, your insecurities and your strengths, because everything you do today is what brings you closer to your goals/dreams tomorrow.

I'll see you soon

Kimberley Jessica

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Something I have wanted to speak about for a while on here is having a life but being surrounded by negative and toxic people. It's a topic which I feel isn't spoken about enough, and I personally think people should be more open about their experiences of being surrounded by these relationships and how they can change you as a person; it can really help others.

Every year I tend to have a look back at the year which has just passed and I tend to reflect on how my relationships have been with people and whether they were healthy for me or not. From this, I can then reflect on whether these people should continue to be a part of my life, or whether I should move on with my life without them. 

At the end of 2018, I took a couple of weeks to think about this in-depth; reflecting on an extremely tough year and how I wanted to move forward into 2019 and who would come with me on this journey. I thought about old co-workers, friendships and even relationships with family members and how each individual has an impact on my life, both positively and negatively.

I want 2019 to be the year I find myself, and the magic and power which lays deep inside of me. And in this year, I refuse to let toxic people have an effect on my emotions, my mental health or even what I do with my life. 

Removing toxic people from your life feels like a heavy weight being lifted off your shoulders. Whether it's one person or even ten people; the feeling afterwards is indescribable. Looking back on 2018 and the end of the year, I removed nearly every friendship I had because it brought some sort of negativity or unhappiness to my life. Some people may think of that and feel anxiety and fear of the thought of being alone; but I personally would rather be alone with a select few people in my life so I can spend more time focusing on myself and learning to love myself. They say you can't love someone if you don't know how to love yourself, and I believe in this.

Unfortunately, toxic relationships are not always friendships and intimate relationships, sometimes and the majority of the time, family members also come into this category. I know of many people who would rather be surrounded by all of their family then be surrounded by a crowd of friends, and this is completely okay. But then there's the saying "you can't pick your family but you can pick your friends", referring to being able to pick and choose who you are friends with, but you have no choice but to get along with your family. But the thing is, you do not have to. You do not have to like people in your family, nor do you have to get along with them. You don't even have to talk to them if you don't want too, who gives a shit?! There's no law stating you have too. So why follow the saying even when people who you're related to are making you feel completely miserable? If someone brings unhappiness and negativity to your life, family member, friend or your loved one; remove them. Let them go and shut the door behind them. Because you will never be able to move on with your life and focus on yourself and your happiness while they are still lurking around, surrounding your life with darkness. 

Do not let toxic people bring you down, no matter who they are. You're worth more than that.

I'll see you soon

Kimberley Jessica

______________________________________

Twitter; @kimberleyjessca

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